my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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