My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize