I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
we made out on top of his cat.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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