I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
