You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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