"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
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