Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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