I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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