He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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