now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
We are all done wearing pants today
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
