Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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