You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
