Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Randomize
