yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
ttyl tear gas
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Randomize
