matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
The air taste purple.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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