nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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