Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
