The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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