i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Boobs are out for the taking
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
