Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
