I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
