I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
