Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
She's like a pop up book from hell.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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