so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
