New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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