And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
