the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
