I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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