how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
