I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
