i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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