when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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