Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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