i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Randomize