Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
You ruined the universe
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
