it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
