i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
‎"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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