he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I don't deserve a penis
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
