Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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