I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
