Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
