he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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