the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Randomize