Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
