i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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