My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
