I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
