just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
