So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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