Just cropdusted the office
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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