You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Text me some of your sweat
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
