I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize