Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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