I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
