I cockslap morals
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize