I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
