The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
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