thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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