paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
