Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
