I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Randomize
