I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
