i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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